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Chinese Families and CAS Part 2
The second category of Chinese cases in CAS is the majority and is persistently related to one problem only: physical discipline.
We use a stick to hit our kids if they don't play piano well and we spent thousand of dollars on a piano.
We use a stick to hit our kids if they are interested in French, music and history at school and would like to study Moden Languages in university but we would like them to become an engineer.
We use a stick to hit our kids if .....................
This is a typical scenario of cultural clash between the East and the West. We believe that's not a big deal. The child will recover from the physical injury, the bruises and the marks, but Canadians have different standards. That's their fault, but ours.
When Police and CAS show at their door according to the Protocol of Joint Investigation, we feel our parental authority is challenged and who are they to tell me how to raise my kids since they are part of my "properties". We become angry and won't listen to anything they say. In North America, dealing with police is an art. If you don't do well, they will put you on the floor or pull their guns on you, no kidding. Chinese parents will become hysterical, yelling and screaming all the way through the investigation. The investigators will interpret the behaviour as signs and symptoms of a mental illness. (That's why I spent energy writing a few long posts how to handle CAS at your door to avoid the misunderstanding.).
After the investigation, both police and the CAS investigation worker have left, and there came the Family Service Worker. A FSW is responsible for mobilizing resources to assist us and for, as the other hat, fighting on behalf of CAS the court case. We can find the first 2 officers any more and project our anger on the FSW.
Every time a child is removed from the parents, the FSW must take the case to court within 5 days. The judge will rule whether there is sufficient protection grounds for CAS to protect the child. If no, the judge will order the child to return, with court cost paid by CAS.
The major problem for Chinese parents is we (except a limited number of those from Hong Kong ) never live our life in a common law country, so common law process is very foreign to us. A family problem, and so is child abuse, won't happen overnight, and resolution won't go away overnight either.
In common law, court cases are to be resolved by consensus. All legal parties engage in a conversation to formulate agreed facts. Facts, in common law, are not physics laws, but are facts or information agreed upon by all legal parties. Overwhelmed by anger and emotion, we accuse CAS of grabbing our kids for funding and swear Canadian values and standards. We never reflect if there is anything we do not do right or if there are other alternatives to manage the family problems. We call families and friends to gather together at court and we scream at the FSW. We are lucky if we do not get restrained by the court police and then charged with Mischief in the Public.
We go to the media, despite there is a court case. In common law countries, judiciary independence is the top priority. No media, MPP or anybody can intervene with a court hearing. Instead, media exposure will catch the attention of the senior executive of CAS. Just like all other government and non-government organizations, they kick in the risk management system and assign the most knowledgeable and experienced management staff to regulate the case to protect the public image. The legal battle drags on. If our Chinese parents cannot stand the stress, we can't function normally and our children become a Crown Ward. The last 2 sentences probably will draw fires from 51er, but my point is the event has happened, we should first of all manage our emotions first. It is easy to scapegoat others, but who is going to suffer. Us, not them.
A typical physical discipline case like this should be handled like this:
1. Reflect why we hit and if there are any family problems we have to address to.
2. Get help from professionals to manage our emotions, "comb" the problems we have and target at change. if we don't change, our problems will persist, with or without our kids. (Child abuse is a reflection of social/familial ills.)
3. We may have been charged by police under Criminal Code. If so, there is an automatic no contact order. CAS does not want to admit some of the children, but if there is a no contact order and the parents do not have relatives to help (the usual case in Chinese community), CAS has no option but placing the child in care. The no contact order is the biggest barrier for family reunion. We must seek an opportunity to remove this bail order, unless our child will never return.
4. We argue a court case with evidence. While CAS has the doctor's report of injury, we can't go to court to tell the judge how great we are and it is safe for our kids to return. This is lip service, not real. We should seek child management service and anger management course and ask the counselors to produce reports as evidence. The same report can be used to remove the bail condition.
5. We can argue it is in the child's best interest to live with the parents, which is true. Before the findings, there is only one rule: SAFETY. We build our case around safety. If violence against women is the protection reason, we go for marriage counselling. If we do drugs or drink, we go for a treatment program. If we believe we don't do anything wrong, then do nothing. CAS may grab our kids for money but the judge has not fallen asleep. The legal system may be the last piece of "firewall" to make Canada safe and beautiful. If we no longer trust the legal system, it is time for us to move on.
It is not my role to judge the Canadian legal and social infra-structure on one hand, or the traditional Chinese beliefs and values, on the other. I have learned it in my life and my career in Canada, law affects every aspect of our life, including legal intervention in family matters.
We can disagree with them and advocate to change the legal and social infra-structure. Before that happens, please abide by the rules and play smart.
Learn the common law process, we will see the benefits forever. |
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楼主: 弄舟
狗仔卡
发表于 2006-12-27 11:00:37
显身卡
楼主
