婆婆们的移民生活：老人的苦水向谁诉？

独立意志

想开的老人就离开。

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枫中之叶

我承认老人和子女同住会产生各种因为不同生活习惯带来的问题和矛盾，但只要双方相互体谅，一家人还是能够开心的生活在一个屋檐下的。文中提到的各种“冷暴力、挑剔和责难“我认为只是存在于少数家庭，归根到底还是父母对子女的教育问题，试想作为儿子怎么能够这样对待自己的父母呢？

Longago

缺乏家教，对人要有基本的尊重，别说是长辈了，普通人跟我那么说话我都受不了。

wuhuakesuo

现在的有些年轻人连畜生都不如！！！

wuhuakesuo

儿子只不过如此，孙子又能怎样？

5 past 6

独立的经济和独立的人格，相信大多数这样的国移家庭是不理解的。

hutumeimei

I know daughter-in-laws always want to treat mother-in-laws nicely at the beginning. Then it ends in fighting a lot because daughter-in-laws cannot get any respect from their mother-in-laws.
Also, parents and parents in laws always want to interfere in young couples’ life: how they treat each other, how they raise children, what they should eat, what they should buy, and how they should spend money, etc. The interfere comes in very detailed level. I know a mother-in-law blamed her daughter-in-law in front of her friend because she could not slice the potato following the mother-in-law’s standard. I also know a mother-in-law talked to her son saying his wife was neither a good wife nor a good mother. At that time, the couple had been married for about 10 years.
Parents and parents-in-laws do not usually try to understand and support young couples’ decision but be very picky for everything they do. They want to use their limited knowledge about the society and the country to judge young couples’ life styles.
I would say before mother-in-laws complain, please check yourself first. Should you show any respect and try to live with your daughter-in-law peacefully at the beginning, it won’t be such a bad situation now.

轻风拂面

是很难过好,老辈人退化,只想过着低水平的生活,可中年人奋斗多年,想享受生活,自然会有矛盾,

和孩子,配偶有矛盾,骂一顿,吵一驾是必然的.和父母有矛盾怎么办,时间长了,也只能吵闹收场.

绛雪

看了心里难受。清官难断家务事。但是，难道，婆媳真的水火不容？

加拿大老张

I know daughter-in-laws always want to treat mother-in-laws nicely at the beginning. Then it ends in fighting a lot because daughter-in-laws cannot get any respect from their mother-in-laws.
Also, parents and parents in laws always want to interfere in young couples’ life: how they treat each other, how they raise children, what they should eat, what they should buy, and how they should spend money, etc. The interfere comes in very detailed level. I know a mother-in-law blamed her daughter-in-law in front of her friend because she could not slice the potato following the mother-in-law’s standard. I also know a mother-in-law talked to her son saying his wife was neither a good wife nor a good mother. At that time, the couple had been married for about 10 years.
Parents and parents-in-laws do not usually try to understand and support young couples’ decision but be very picky for everything they do. They want to use their limited knowledge about the society and the country to judge young couples’ life styles.
I would say before mother-in-laws complain, please check yourself first. Should you show any respect and try to live with your daughter-in-law peacefully at the beginning, it won’t be such a bad situation now.
hutumeimei 发表于 2012-9-26 11:26

每一代人都有自己的价值观和幸福标准, 就象老年人很难强迫晚一辈的中年人符合自己的生活习惯那样, 中年人很难强迫晚一辈的青年人符合自己的生活习惯, 否则只能是自寻烦恼,自己找苦水喝.

估计写这篇文章的是60-70岁的老年人. 想想看人生短暂, 活到80就是寿星了, 合不开就分开过, 眼不见心不烦. 有什么必要非住在一起吵得混天黑地的伤身体, 还觉得委屈? 儿孙自有儿孙的福, 好心帮不上忙, 就放手吧, 享受人生最后10年8年的时光.

Longago

回复 7# hutumeimei

其实婆媳双方都差不多的，挑剔的媳妇也不少，你没见过媳妇要求婆婆做每件事情都要按她的方法，甚至是洗菜都要按她的顺序。

天生有这种控制欲望的人到哪都不好相处的，挑剔的媳妇将来也可能会是挑剔的婆婆。即使生的是女儿，将来对女婿的挑剔也很容易引发争端的。

如果双方都比较独立，问题会好办很多。最好可以单独照顾孩子不需要老人帮忙。如果需要帮忙的话，就更需要尊重老人。

不过，对于年轻人，还有机会学习如何独立。对于老年人，当他们岁数越来越大，他们只会对这个社会和亲人更加依赖。 自然现象，所以对他们的尊重，就不能建立在独立的基础上了。很多冲突，都是不尊重老人的劳动产生的。

ying17

公说公有理，婆说婆有理。但是很多年轻的人不懂得尊重老人，何苦呢，人人都有老的一天，尊重老人，也是爱你身边的人表现。家里气氛好，对小孩子的成长有正面的作用。

加拿大老张

回复  hutumeimei

其实婆媳双方都差不多的，挑剔的媳妇也不少，你没见过媳妇要求婆婆做每件事情都要按她的方法，甚至是洗菜都要按她的顺序。

天生有这种控制欲望的人到哪都不好相处的，挑剔的媳妇将来也可能会是挑剔的婆婆。即使生的是女儿，将来对女婿的挑剔也很容易引发争端的。

如果双方都比较独立，问题会好办很多。最好可以单独照顾孩子不需要老人帮忙。如果需要帮忙的话，就更需要尊重老人。

不过，对于年轻人，还有机会学习如何独立。对于老年人，当他们岁数越来越大，他们只会对这个社会和亲人更加依赖。 自然现象，所以对他们的尊重，就不能建立在独立的基础上了。很多冲突，都是不尊重老人的劳动产生的。
Tiego 发表于 2012-9-26 11:54

看来关键还是老人经济上难独立, 只好跟子女住在一起打架了. 否则, 能自理就自理, 不行了就花钱找个保姆或住私人养老院, 就没这些烦恼了. 这也给中年人一个教训, 想法多挣点钱吧, 别指望别人为你养老, 只能独立. 无钱百事哀!

hutumeimei

And then can you tell me how you repect a mother-in-law who is not satisfied at anything you do? I mean, how, in details, when she is picky at everything you do.

Jenny Zhou

这种不孝顺的子女还不是你自己教育出来的？